Test # 1

Test your willingness to be helpful.

Have a pencil and paper handy to write down your answers. There are 10 questions.

Ready?


1. If someone asked you for a dollar, how willing would you be to give them one?

A. Not a problem.
B. Well, okay, here you go.
C. Uh, why do you need it?
D. Hell, no, get away from me!


2. You spot a penny on the ground. Do you:

A. Always stop and pick it up.
B. Pick it up if you're not in a hurry.
C. Look at it as you slow down but decide not to pick it up.
D. Never even consider picking it up.


3. Your next door neighbor comes home in a brand new car. You feel:

A. Glad he was able to afford it.
B. Wondering if he sells drugs.
C. Don't like his improving the neighborhood like that.
D. Think he's a dirty rat bastard for flaunting it in your face.


4. Someone falls to the ground a few feet ahead of you and starts foaming at the mouth. You

A. Immediately stop and try to help.
B. Call 911 on your cell phone and then look around for others to come to his rescue.
C. Stand there like everyone else, watching the free show.
D. Cuss at him for being in your way as you walk around him and continue on your way.


5. You see someone in a store slip an item into their pocket without paying for it. You would

A. Immediately report them to someone who works there.
B. Follow them to see if they leave the store without paying and then maybe report them
C. Don't really care.
D. Join the club and grab something for yourself.


6. How do you feel about your fellow man on any given day?

A. I love everyone, all the time.
B. People are okay.
C. I can usually put up with them, but there are times.
D. I hate every stinking one of them and hope they all die.


7. A stranger walks up and hands you a twenty-dollar bill. You would

A. Take it and say thank you.
B. Take it but wonder what he's up to.
C. Refuse to accept it and call the cops.
D. Tell him to fuck off and threaten to smack him in the mouth.


8. The clerk gives you more change than you had coming. You would

A. Bring the mistake to their attention and return the excess.
B. Notice it and maybe say something.
C. Look around and see if anyone else noticed and if not, say nothing.
D. Don't give it another thought, keep the money and think, 'What a dumbass.'


9. You see a lady with a child in her arms and a full shopping cart of bags at her car. You

A. Offer to give her a hand getting everything into her car without giving it another thought.
B. Yell over to her, 'Hey, you need some help?'
C. Figure she'll think you're a pervert and keep your mouth shut.
D. Don't even think to help her, it's her own fault for buying so much stuff.


10. You write a best-seller and get a call from someone who works for Oprah. They want to put you on the show. You

A. Gladly accept without even thinking about it.
B. Accept the offer, long as they cover your expenses.
C. Tell them you'll have to check your schedule and get back to them, though you have nothing scheduled.
D. Hang up on them.


Answers score:

Every A equals 6 points.
Every B equals 2 points.
Every C equals 4 points.
Every D equals 3 points.

10- 25 points: You are extremely generous, kind and thoughtful, almost to a fault. You rarely think about yourself, instead always thinking of others, yet so many people still think you're an asshole.

25-50 points: You tend to be wishy-washy, sometimes being kind, sometimes not very kind at all. You have a low opinion of others in need and sometimes feel a little pity, sometimes not. Your friends usually think you're an asshole.

50-75 points: What are you, a fucking angel? You most likely work for state Social Services and deal with bums and welfare mothers on an hourly basis. But because you work for Social Services and everyone knows how hard you lazy fuckers actually work, everyone knows you are an asshole.

Thanks for taking the test, you asshole.